Thankful

The last couple months have, I think, been some of the most crucial, and most defining months of my life. Please notice the emphasis on "some." Of course there have been moments here and there throughout my WHOLE 25 years that have been both crucial and defining (i.e. marrying the love of my life, meeting my best friends, etc.). However, the last two to three months have genuinely brought me closer to the Lord than I ever have been. I feel different. I feel incredible. And I am so very thankful for a God that gives second and third and twentieth chances. I know I'm not that generous...

Let me tell you a little about how this has evolved. To be honest, it sort of snuck up on me. One day, I was going about my business - ignoring God - but feeling decent about things. Of course loving married life and my husband, but finding myself short-tempered, frustrated a lot, and a little stressed when I had no business feeling that way. I was barely in communication with God and, quite frankly, dreaded going to church each weekend. NOT the picture of the woman I wanted to be.

First, on one of my slower night shifts, I stumbled across the blog of a person I did not know anything about. I was doing the thing where you look at the links one person has on their blog and click by click, you sort of end up reading about someone's life clear across the country. A little weird. BUT this blog just so happens to belong to a woman named Angie Smith. This is no ordinary woman who writes about trivial daily routines...she has an incredible story of faith and love for the Lord. Long story real short: she was pregnant with a baby that doctors said would only live a few minutes after birth - if at all. She began to write on her blog about her struggles and about how the Lord has worked through her family during this struggle. Her sweet baby did go to heaven a few hours after being born, but the impact that she has had on the world through her mom's blog will live on for years and years. I encourage anyone out there to go read her story and be inspired!

So...this woman's story and faith began to tug at my heart. I was seriously moved by it all, but still a little hesitant to do anything about it. The thing that really kicked me into gear was the Living Well conference I attended in March. I know I've already mentioned it here before, but now I see even more clearly how much those two days have impacted my life. The message of Living Well is amazing, but whats even more amazing is what comes after - a desire for change and renewal. I left knowing that I had to do something different.

And now, without even knowing it, I've started to develop some pretty good habits. I'm trying to discipline myself - in all aspects of my life. Some areas are easier than others and ALL of them need a LOT of work. But I feel good. No matter how cynical I can get at times and no matter how many questions I have - I simply feel better when I'm in communication with God, when I'm spending time with Him daily and aware of the ways in which He is involved in my life.

Ooook...I think that sums it up nicely for now. To be honest, I feel such a change within myself that its hard to put it into words or to explain exactly how it came about. I only hope that the change I feel inside begins to show itself on the outside: in my marriage, in my relationships, at work...in everything I do! I pray daily that every word and deed might reflect the Lord. Unfortunately, my own dumb ideas get in the way at times...but we're working on that one. : )

Goodnight everyone...I hope you checkout Angie's blog - she's seriously amazing.